


If You Want Me

by SailorHeichou



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst with a Happy Ending, I'll probably forget to tag a lot of shit, M/M, Older!Eren, Reincarnation, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Soulmates, a little sad, its a thing okay, just sappy romantic stuff, or something like that, younger!Levi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-05-02 07:45:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5240303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SailorHeichou/pseuds/SailorHeichou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Yeah, so, this kind of happened... yeah... anyway!</p>
<p>My first ever Reincarnation AU! Never thought I'd be doing one of these since normally I hate the shit out of them and they annoy the shit out of me, BUT! First time for everything, right? It'll probably be the first time I try to write something a little more poetic than what I normally write.</p>
<p>I got the idea for this AU while listening to <strong>If You Want Me</strong> by <strong>Marketa Irglova and Glen Hansard</strong>. It just sounded like the kind of song where a pair of lovers from a past life needed to find one another by any means necessary. Thus! This AU was born!<br/>It might get sad at times, but I can probably promise that the sad/angst will be mentioned mostly in their past lives, not so much their reincarnated lives! </p>
<p>AND OF COURSE! Happy Ending for my precious OTP babies!</p>
    </blockquote>





	If You Want Me

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, so, this kind of happened... yeah... anyway!
> 
> My first ever Reincarnation AU! Never thought I'd be doing one of these since normally I hate the shit out of them and they annoy the shit out of me, BUT! First time for everything, right? It'll probably be the first time I try to write something a little more poetic than what I normally write.
> 
> I got the idea for this AU while listening to **If You Want Me** by **Marketa Irglova and Glen Hansard**. It just sounded like the kind of song where a pair of lovers from a past life needed to find one another by any means necessary. Thus! This AU was born!  
>  It might get sad at times, but I can probably promise that the sad/angst will be mentioned mostly in their past lives, not so much their reincarnated lives! 
> 
> AND OF COURSE! Happy Ending for my precious OTP babies!

**_Eren's P.O.V._ **

It always starts and ends the same way.

I dream about someone I once knew long, long ago. I can't remember what he looks like, or even what his name was. I only know that whenever I dream of him, my body-- my very soul feels so at peace and safe. It's not so much faces or voices that I dream about, but more like vague glimpses of a deep forest green cloak billowing beautifully in the wind with the richest sunset exploding in vibrant colors as the background. I dream of the things I felt while I was with that person in my past life. A past life I know was real, because I've met others who I'd thought were only shapeless figures in my childhood dreams and nightmares. 

Some dreams are frightening. Full of death and the smell and taste of copper and iron. As an adult, I'm not as easily affected by them; but as a child, they nearly drove me mad. My parents worried for me. They sent me to all the best Doctors and Psychiatrists from all over the world, but it was always the same result in the end-- nothing helped. Eventually, I just stopped telling my parents about my nightmares. 

But then-- there were the dreams where I could see myself high up in the air, arms spread wide and the wind rushing through my hair and hitting my face, filling my lungs with the taste of freedom. I could see over those intimidating stone walls that loomed over humanity like a perpetual rain cloud, blocking out the sunlight and snuffing out any feelings of hope and desire to go further. Those were the dreams that made the occasional nightmares worth everything. 

And then, there was _him_. In my dreams, his face is always a bit of a fuzzy blur, and his voice always sounds like it's muffled underwater. As a child, he made me feel safe. A constant figure in my mind that brought me a sense of comfort and pushed me to go higher and higher. I would dare to even compare him to being my childhood hero, but he would turn out to be so much more than that. 

When I was fifteen, the dreams started becoming more lucid, but I still couldn't clearly make out that man's face or voice entirely. That was when my dreams started becoming more sensual. Romantic, even. Soft whispers in darkened rooms, gentle caresses and sweet touches. The feeling of being held in arms that wanted every fiber of your being and the desire for the same thing in return. They were wonderful, most times. But then, there were the times when those whispered sweet-nothings and gentle caresses made my heart ache and I'd awaken in tears. I could never place my finger on it, but something was preventing him from being happy with me and there was nothing I could do about it. Those were the dreams that I dreaded; even more than the nightmares of being eaten alive by gigantic humanoid creatures.

It wasn't long before I started piecing things together. The dreams couldn't just be dreams. They felt too real. They were more like memories I'd long since forgotten. Like someone had put old reels of tape away in a dusty, moldy attic for years and years and the film had become corrupted. But sometimes, there were bits and pieces that were still in good condition, and it was these little clear glimpses into my past life that led me to Armin and Mikasa. 

By the time we'd all found each other again, we were freshmen in college. Thankfully, all the same age, more or less living in the same area. Mikasa lived in L.A. while Armin was a transfer student from England. He'd been living in America only a short time before we met again. It had to have been fate that brought us all together in one place at the same time. That was what I believed. 

"So, the dreams... they're actually memories from our past lives?" Mikasa had been the first one to bring up the topic after the three of us had finally met. 

"I believe so, yes." Armin nodded, a light blush warming both of his chubby cheeks. He still looked exactly the same, only he'd lost the helmet hair and gone for a more practical look. Armin was still very much Armin, even with short hair. "It's the only thing that makes any sense. Otherwise, how else would the three of us know who the other was when we've all been living in different parts of the country-- in my case, an entirely different country, and we've obviously never met each other before? It's absolutely mental!" 

I couldn't help but smile at Armin's excitement during that entire conversation. It was like the feeling of coming home after having been away for a very long time. Sitting with this Armin, hearing him talk in his interesting little english accent, seeing the way his big blue eyes lit up the way I remembered them doing in a dream of us as children talking about going over the walls and seeing the ocean. Mikasa still looked the same, and strangely enough, she even wore a painfully familiar red scarf. For the longest time, I'd felt like something was definitely missing from my life. Like, I wasn't meant to be alone like I was throughout my childhood and teenage years. Now, I'd found a few of the most important missing pieces and I was starting to feel like everything was right in the world. 

After that first encounter, Armin, Mikasa and I decided we wanted to be close to each other no matter what. So, the three of us pitched in and rented a two-story duplex near the college we all attended. Lots of other students our age lived in the other houses and duplexes, so it was perfect. We told each other about our dreams and exchanged information. Armin actually remembered a lot more than Mikasa and I combined. He could clearly remember names and sometimes faces. After that, it didn't take us long to find the others. 

Jean and Marco were the first. Seeing Marco again, and remembering what had happened to him in our past lives as soldiers, well, it was hard not to shed a few tears. Jean, on the other hand, was still the same arrogant asshole I'd remembered fighting with. We easily fell back into that routine. Next was Sasha and Connie, and after meeting them outside a local shopping mall near the food court everything just seemed to click right into place. Everybody remembered each other, in some way or another. Whether through vague dreams like me, or through actual lucid memories disguised as dreams like Armin's. For the first couple of years in college, it was just the nine of us. 

Connie and Sasha had mentioned running into our old drill officer, Keith Shadis, once in a small restaurant where Connie had taken Sasha out on a date back in High School. We all shared a laugh at how Former Commander Shadis used to give Sasha and Connie hell for goofing off during training. Jean and Marco recalled meeting Thomas, Mina, Mylius and Samuel back in middle school as well. Hearing those names had caused me to get a little upset and emotional. They had been cadets in the 104th training corps and I had been responsible for their lives, but all I did was get them all killed. That night, I'd had my first nightmare in a very long time and it was of Thomas getting eaten right in front of me. It was the first time I'd ever seen someone die in one of my nightmares so clearly and vividly. 

I hadn't forgotten about the mysterious man from my dreams. When I got to a certain age, I'd realized that man had to have been my lover. The person I vowed to spend the rest of my life with, even if, that life never happened in the end due to whatever circumstances. My search would continue. Mikasa seemed uncomfortable whenever I brought him up, like she didn't want to talk about the possibility of such a person existing. Armin was less reluctant to talk about certain things. My death, for instance. He recalled it almost perfectly, with a few holes here and there but it was still amazing for something that supposedly happened in another life 2,000 years ago. 

During our senior year of college, we all met Reiner, Bert and Annie finally, and it was not the most joyful reunion. Reiner, Bert had expressed their contriteness for the whole situation, constantly telling us that if they could go back in time and change how things ended, they would. In the end, it wasn't that hard to forgive them. Annie was an entirely different story altogether. Out of all the people from my past that I met in the present timeline, she was the only one who didn't want anything to do with any of us. She didn't want to remember a past life that was long since over and done with and she didn't want to be constantly reminded of it. I would be lying if I said it didn't hurt when Annie asked us to leave her be.

After graduating college, Mikasa and I continued to live together, but Armin had decided to move into the dorms at the University he got into. Armin had big plans to be a scientist, and we weren't about to stop him from achieving his dream. Instead, we both supported him 1000% even though it was very lonely without the awkward blond around.I missed him most of all during the long nights when insomnia sunk it's claws into me and dragged me through the dirt and mud. Armin had been the one who would stay up with me and just talk for hours and hours about anything and everything. 

When we were still freshmen, Armin and I had acted on carnal impulse and we'd slept together, on more than one occasion. It was a creature comfort, in the end, but at the time, I had been so lonely and desperate for physical contact. I was tired of only living off of the memory and ghost of a man who fulfilled those cravings and needs entirely. I was eighteen years old, I'd met a small handful of people from that distant life, yet I hadn't been able to meet _him_. A man who I knew I belonged with, knew that I needed to be with, yet he was nowhere to be found and I was still unable to recall his name or even an inkling of what his face looked like. Nobody else seemed to remember my supposed lover either. It felt like I was just chasing after a ghost.

' ♪Are you really here?

Or am I dreaming? 

I can't tell dreams from truth

for it's been so long since I have seen you

I can hardly remember your face anymore ♪'

Surprisingly, Mikasa had found love with none other than Jean. And Armin had also done the same with one of his course Professors. I felt like everyone was finding their happy endings, except for me. I was stuck searching for the person who I promised myself to in a dream long ago. For awhile, I wondered if maybe I had simply imagined him up. That maybe he was never even real in the first place-- just a figure I made up out of anger and loneliness. Why else would I be the only one who seemed to know about him? Why didn't anyone else remember someone being my lover? If he was as important to me as he seems to be in my dreams, then the others would definitely have to remember him as well.

It wasn't long before I was eventually walking Mikasa down the aisle at her own wedding, kissing her cheek and giving her away. I'm not ashamed to say that I definitely cried as I gave her away. While I was definitely happy for her-and Jean too of course, in some way- I felt like all the little good things in my life were going away little by little. Armin was of course still around, but he was doing his best to achieve his goals and school and work kept him busy. Mikasa would be busy building a new life with her new husband, and while I had definitely kept in touch with my other friends, none of them shared the same kind of bond that I had with Armin and Mikasa. The only other person I'd ever let myself bond with was-- _him_. It always comes back to him.

' ♪ When I get really lonely

And the distance calls its only silence

I think of you smiling

With pride in your eyes

A lover that sighs 

If you want me

Satisfy me♪'

**  
_Levi's P.O.V._  
**

_" Forgive me, Eren... I--" _

Those are the words that haunt me. They follow me around like some kind of phantom, always nipping at the back of my subconscious. Ever since I was a little boy, running through the streets of Paris. I don't remember exactly when the dreams or 'visions' started. I only know that I've always had them, for as long as I can remember. Some were pleasant, but most were full of pain, loss and death. I didn't understand why every time I saw someone die in my dreams, I felt like my heart were being torn to shreds. Like I knew those people, even though to me, they were absolute strangers. 

A tall flaxen-haired boy. A short, red-headed girl. Their bodies laying mutilated across a large, wide open field. Their blood was splattered across once emerald green pastures, like someone had taken a paint brush, dipped it in fresh red paint and swung it in all directions creating a shower of ruby red. I'd never seen them before in my life, and yet seeing them dead always brought out such a terrifying anger inside of me and I never understood why. 

As a child, I was always told that I was weird or odd. I was always shorter that most children my age, and the other kids were always afraid of me because I didn't talk much, always kept to myself. They said it was my eyes, though. That even at such a young age, my eyes always seemed to hold so much pain and agony. I heard someone call them "dead-eyes" once. I didn't understand what they meant, until I went home to my grandmother's and looked into a mirror. 

When my grandmother saw me staring at my own reflection and frowning, she asked me what was wrong. I remembered turning to her and saying, "The other kids don't want to play with me because they say I have scary eyes. Dead-eyes." After that, all I remember was my grandmother taking me in her arms and cradling me to her chest like I was some newborn babe. I thought I heard her crying softly, but I never knew why. 

As a teenager, I had grown a tough skin by then. I was used to being alone, and I liked it that way. People mostly left me to myself, but there were the occasional brave souls who dared to fuck with me. Since my first physical fight in middle school, I'd earned a reputation for myself for being some kind of deranged psychopath. It was because they said that when I fought, I seemed to turn into a completely different person. I was ruthless and if I were being honest, It always thrilled me. It was always a strange sensation I got whenever I engaged in a fight. It was like my body was on autopilot and something else took over completely. It reminded me of the dreams I often had; the ones where I'm flying through the skies like a newly freed bird. It was the only times I felt "alive". 

Naturally, that nasty reputation didn't earn me any friends. People were scared of me. But that was fine too. I didn't care about other people. The only ones that mattered were-- _"Forgive me, Eren... I--"_

Eren. That name was both my safe haven and my personal hell. Whenever I tried to remember the person who belonged to that name, my heart always feels like it's tearing in two. On one hand, it brings me joy and an immense sense of calm and peace. But on the other hand, it torments me and fills me with such guilt and sadness that I can't even fathom it. And then the dreams-- the sound of someone calling my name tenderly and with such love. Soft sighs and the sensation of warm skin under my fingertips as I run my hands down their sides. Briefly, a flash of teal and gold goes through my mind and then-- I wake up... and everything is not as it should be. 

Those nights, whenever I'm graced with that specific dream or ones similar to it, I always wake up in a cold sweat and crying but I can never understand why. The intense feeling of emptiness and longing I always feel afterwards plagues me for days on end. I've never been a very good sleeper, and I had the bags under my eyes to prove it. I could never make heads or tails of the dreams and night terrors I had and it drove me crazy some days. 

It wasn't until my senior year in high school that the dreams would finally start to make sense. I was shipped off to live with a distant relative in America. The first day I attended my new school, I met someone from my dreams. She was impossible to miss, even if I hadn't recognized her right away. Tall, brunette, glasses, and absolutely insane on a creepy level. I knew her as Hanji, in another life. In this life, she was simply Zoey. She insisted I call her Hanji, though. Always telling me that Zoey just never felt right to her. 

"So, you were born 'Levi' in this life too, huh? That's lucky!" She was talking about past lives and reincarnation like it was just another topic about the fucking weather. Then again, it was Hanji, so weirdness was to be expected. 

"Yeah, I guess." I wasn't sure how to respond to any of this. It was all so new still. I was starting to realize that my dreams weren't just dreams but memories and that I wasn't batshit crazy, apparently. 

"Hey, that's quite a little accent you've got there too! French?" 

I couldn't help it, I glared at her as I answered her question with all the venom in my voice. 

" _Oui._ " 

Hanji had seemed absolutely thrilled with my response. She'd quite literally jumped me and tackled me into a hug, kissing my cheek and nearly crying. 

"Oh, Levi! I've missed that grumpy face so much!! I thought I would never see you again, but fate must be on my side!" 

I had scoffed at her mention of Fate. I'd never really believed in anything. Not God, not the devil, not destiny or even fate. But even I couldn't deny that meeting Hanji and confirming that all my dreams were real and that I wasn't just crazy wasn't some kind of divine intervention. Maybe it really was fate. Or maybe I'd finally fucking lost it. Either way. Hanji and I quickly started exchanging information, since she also had dreams and 'visions' just like I did. 

"I remembered Erwin, Mike and Nanaba. Even Moblit. I remember everyone!" she'd claimed with a big grin. "Since I found you, I'm sure we could probably find all the others!" 

I remembered being so nervous and anxious when I'd opened my mouth and asked,

"What about... Eren?" his name was more of a raspy croak, because in all the years I'd spent dreaming of him and hearing his name over and over in my own head, I'd never once actually said it out loud before. 

Hanji's face immediately fell and her bright expression turned into one of pure sympathy and regret, despite the rueful smile. I could see the restraint in her eyes, the slight furrow of her brows and the way she seemed to hesitant to tell me something. I immediately felt a knot forming in my gut as I expected her to tell me the worst. 

"Levi, you don't remember what happened? The day we... defeated them?" she had leaned forward and placed a hand on top of my knee, squeezing it gently. 

"No," I snapped at her. "If I did I wouldn't be fucking asking you, now would I?" I suddenly felt very angry for some unknown reason, and I felt slightly guilty for lashing out at Hanji that way but I wasn't used to feeling so helpless. The constant feeling of dread sinking into my gut wouldn't go away and I just wanted Hanji to tell me what the hell she was talking about. 

Finally, she delivered the finishing blow that would do me in. 

"Eren was your--" She'd started with a big smile, before she stopped herself and seemed to think better of it. Her expression went back to it's former seriousness and she continued, "He was a titan-shifter and you were tasked with ending his life once the war against the titans was over. That had always been the plan from the start, but, well--" 

"No," I whispered. I didn't realize it until I felt wetness streaming down my cheeks, but I had begun to cry. "No, that's-- that's not..." 

"Levi, I'm sorry." Hanji had sobbed as she pulled me into her arms. I didn't really care that we were both crying on the bleachers at the back of the school and people could probably see us. I grabbed two fistfuls of Hanji's jacket and sobbed into her shoulder uncontrollably. "I'm so, so, sorry. I thought you knew." 

"Hanji, why? Why does it hurt so fucking much? I don't understand." If it had been anyone else seeing me cry like this, I probably would have been embarrassed. But this was Hanji. Someone I considered as my best friend in a past life. Someone I shared in many hardships and losses with. 

"Because, sweetheart. Eren wasn't just some titan-shifter. He was so much more. Especially to you. He--" she hesitated again, and I took the time to pull away from her shoulder to stare up at her. Her big brown eyes were watery and soft, "He loved you so much. I know he did." 

"How do you know?" I whispered quietly, a hint of desperation in my voice now because I just needed to know-- how could someone love the person who was destined to end their life? Did Eren know that I was the one who killed him? Did he know that I... loved him, too? 

"Because," she reasoned with a big smile. "You were the person he loved most in the entire world. The way he used to look at you-- like you had put the sun and the moon and all the stars in his sky." 

I shoved her away halfheartedly, earning me a loud laugh in response and a poke in the cheek. 

"Shut the fuck up, liar." I sniffled, wiping at the drying tears on my cheeks. 

"Hey! I would never lie about something like true love, Levi!" she pouted, sounding most definitely offended. 

I could only roll my eyes at her, "Yeah, right. True love. I fucking took his life, Hanji. How the fuck am I supposed to make up for something like that?" hanging my head between my parted legs, I sighed heavily. "He probably hates my guts. There's no way he still--" Swallowing the painful lump in my throat, I couldn't even bring myself to finish that sentence. 

"Levi," Hanji said softly, placing a comforting hand on my back and rubbing soothing circles. "We'll find him and you'll see for yourself that there's no way in the universe he could ever hate you. I'd never seen anyone more in love than the two of you were whenever you thought no one was looking." she nudged me in the ribs and I swatted at her, scowling. 

"Shut the fuck up." I had meant to say it with a big frown, but in the end I couldn't help but smile a bit. 

I could only hope that Hanji was right. I needed to look for Eren and find him. I needed to know if he really didn't hate me, and if he did... then I would do everything in my power to earn his forgiveness. Anything for Eren.

' ♪ I wonder if you could ever despise me?

When You know I really try

to be a better one to satisfy you

For you're everything to me

And I do what you ask me

If you let me be free ♪'

**  
_Eren's P.O.V._  
**

Years passed, and before I knew it, I was twenty-eight-years-old and babysitting Mikasa's kids at my sad one-bedroom apartment. I say sad because I was still very much single at twenty-eight, but it's not like I hadn't done anything with my life. After college, I'd started interning at a local hospital. Ironic, that in my past life, my father was a Doctor and now I had become one myself. I was obviously no longer an intern but sometimes I sure as hell felt like I was. Working as the on-call physician in the E.R. was hectic, obviously, but at least there was always some excitement and there was never a damn dull moment. 

My dreams and nightmares weren't as frequent. Probably because ever since I became a doctor, sleep was a rare and precious thing. But the few nights I did get off from work and got to go home for a proper nights rest, I dreamed of mostly that mysterious man. Only, now he wasn't just some nameless face. His name was definitely Levi. I'm embarrassed to say it, but I'd learned this very crucial fact while I was in the middle of a very intense wet-dream with said man and I woke up in the middle of the night moaning his name over and over. _Levi._

His face was still a bit of a mystery, but every now and again I'd get brief flashes of something in my mind while I was dreaming. His hair was black. So, so black. Like a raven's feathers, or like polished onyx. His skin was pale-- almost snow white, like ivory or porcelain. But it was his eyes I could never pin down. It's like, my head couldn't decided what fucking color they were, or weren't. Sometimes his eyes were just dark, almost black. Other times, they were a muted blue or a silvery grey. It was odd because all of those colors _felt_ right, but that didn't make any sense at all. 

I wasn't sure if finally knowing more or less what Levi looked like was a good thing or a bad thing, since every time I saw a glimpse of raven hair and pale skin I would end up chasing some random person around like some mad stalker, only to get a good look at them and realize, it wasn't him. It was never him and I was back at square one. Chasing after a ghost of a man I wasn't even sure really existed. 

"Uncle Eren!" a tiny voice pulled me out of my drifting thoughts. 

My eyes shifted downward toward the tiny little figure that was struggling to climb up onto the sofa where I was lounging with a book open on my stomach. I didn't remember putting the book down, let alone remember that I was even reading something in the first place. 

"Hey, kiddo. Where do you think you're going?" lifting the little boy up by his underarms, I placed him on top of my chest and admired his black hair. 

He was nearly the spitting image of Mikasa, except he had Jean's honey brown eyes. At least he didn't inherit his dad's long horse-face. Thank whatever divine beings were out there for little miracles in life. 

"Kiki is waking up. I think she's gonna start crying." the little boy said with one of his thumbs in his mouth. 

Aaron was Mikasa and Jean's oldest child, being only four-years-old currently. Mikasa had insisted they name their first son after me, much to Jean's dismay, but never being one to disagree with Mikasa, Jean agreed only on the condition that they spell the name the right way and not the "retarded way" like mine. His words, not mine. I liked the way my name was spelled. It was different. 

"Okay, bud. First of all, enough with the thumb sucking or else your mother will kick my butt if she knew." I smirked, gently pulling Aaron's thumb out of his mouth. "Second of all, I think it's time for Kiki's bottle so lets go into the kitchen and get some snacks, yeah?" 

Aaron nodded and followed me obediently into the kitchen, but it wasn't long before I caught him with his thumb in his mouth again. I eventually gave up, letting him suck his thumb all he wanted. If Mikasa ended up kicking my ass, then so be it. I didn't have the energy to be constantly after her kid to stop sucking his thumb anyway. 

I prepared the baby bottle for the little girl sleeping peacefully in my bedroom, carefully placed in the center of a fortress of pillows to prevent her from rolling around. Taking care of a five month old was absolutely nerve wrecking and I don't know why I keep saying yes to this job. Then again, I always liked kids so I guess it was just my inner softy getting the better of me. I fed Kiki, burped her and put her played with her and Aaron until they both got tired and put them both down for a nap in my bedroom. Aaron was holding baby Kiki's tiny hand in his when I left the room. 

Sighing, I plopped myself back down on the sofa and closed my eyes for a quick little power nap. My mind immediately drifted back to my dreams. I'd met nearly everyone from my dreams now. Well, there were a small handful that were still unaccounted for, but the world was a big place and I didn't exactly travel a lot, or very far for that matter. Levi could literally be anywhere. Or, he could be nowhere. He probably didn't even fucking exist. 

If I could just find some small shred of proof that he was real. Just some type of confirmation from someone telling me they remembered him. I hadn't been in contact with anyone recently. Too busy saving lives at the hospital. Armin was off traveling the world, doing his own research and doing everything he always wanted to do. Mikasa was obviously busy being a mom, she didn't have time to deal with my irrelevant problems. Same with Jean, not that I'd ever actually willingly talk to him about this unless he was my very last option. I hadn't seen or talked to Sasha or Connie in several months. Same with Reiner and Bert, actually. There was no one I could talk to about this and it was driving me absolutely crazy.

Thankfully, the next time I had a day off from work, I didn't have to spend it babysitting Mikasa's kids. I loved spending time with Mikasa and her family, but it only reminded me about how I was getting a little closer to death and how fucking lonely I was. Really, I was being over dramatic about my own age. Twenty-eight was far from being old but mentally, I felt like I was ancient. 

It was a cold November morning and I was headed down to the coffee shop near the medical center. It was right by the hospital where I worked, which was why I loved living near the medical center because there was literally every kind of shop and restaurant you could ever wish for nearby. I had decided to walk there this morning, since it was only a block or two away from my apartment. I bundled up in a tan trench coat and a teal-colored muffler around my neck. Since becoming a responsible adult, I'd long since stopped dressing like a college student and abandoned wearing hoodies and beanies. Thus, my hair was left to be mussed by the light wind blowing that morning. Then again, it was always kind of a mess anyway so, no skin off my back. 

As I walked toward the coffee shop, I passed by several R.N.'s and first year interns and residents making their way toward any and every source of caffeine and nourishment they could find. Seeing those old scrubs they made all interns wear at the hospital where I worked brought back many fond memories, and I greeted some of the more familiar nurses that passed me by. It was a rather grey morning, but just off the horizon I could see the sun trying it's best to pour in through a break in the thick clouds. It filtered through like frail sunlight through a canopy of leaves in a dense forest. Trickling in and fading out repeatedly. Sighing, I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my trench coat and popped the collar up to shield my exposed ears from the nippy air. 

I saw the cafe coming into sight as I turned a corner on a bike path and I muttered a curse of relief under my breath as I quickly crossed the busy street and approached it. There was quite a little crowd queuing up at the counter and I cursed again upon seeing just how long the line actually was. It was a small cafe and most of the tables and seats inside were filled, and I definitely didn't want to wait outside in this cold for twenty minutes or possibly longer so I contemplated leaving. There was another coffee shop a block away, and it was just as good but I didn't feel like walking another block. 

Getting ready to admit defeat, I sighed one last time before turning to head back to my apartment. No point in standing around here waiting for coffee when I could just make some at home. I was just being a lazy fuck, that's all. Something caught my attention, out of the corner of my eye, however, and it had me coming to a full stop to stare at whatever it was. 

I scanned the crowd again, quickly, and found exactly what I was looking for. It was another one of those crazy situations I mentioned where anytime I noticed black hair and pale skin, I bolted after whoever it was. Only, this time, I was tired of being disappointed each and every time I ran after the ghost of someone named Levi who may or may not have existed at all. Instead, I simply stayed rooted to my spot and I watched this person push their way out of the crowded coffee shop. 

Except, when they exited and I finally saw their face, I felt like I had just been punched in the gut and all the air was leaving my lungs in a rush. I'm pretty sure I quite literally stopped breathing, in fact. This face-- this face that was both completely foreign and familiar to me at the same time. He seemed to be a young man, definitely younger than myself if his attire was anything to go by. He was wearing an adorable cream-colored beanie with one of those fuzzy pom-pom's at the top of it, along with a black long sleeved shirt and a navy blue vest thrown over halfway zipped. His acid-wash jeans were torn on the back pockets and he was wearing a pair of black hi-top converse. In his right hand was a smart phone with a rather bright neon colored sleeve protector. Younger. Definitely. 

But it wasn't his outfit that had me breathless, speechless and just downright frozen in place. It was his face. Pale skin, like ivory or porcelain. The bit of his hair I could see from under his beanie was definitely black, like a raven's feathers. His eyes were narrow and sharp, as were the rest of his features. High cheekbones, chiseled jawline, the faint circles under his eyes. And his _eyes_. They were definitely an odd mix of grey and blue, shifting back and forth between the two not seeming to be able to make up their mind of what color they really wanted to be.

And then he looked up, and he saw me, and the world had to have stopped turning because everything suddenly slowed down and it was just the two of us standing on a crowded sidewalk staring right at each other. We couldn't have been anymore than mere feet from each other, but the gap between us felt so large, it covered worlds and galaxies and it was so damn frustrating because I wanted nothing more than to close it and confirm this for myself. 

It was actually _him_. It was really Levi, here, in the flesh standing right before me now. After years and years of searching and racking my head for any other clues in my dreams-- my memories! It was like, seeing Levi like this, finally, unlocked all the memories that were hidden from me. And suddenly, all those fuzzy blurred images of intimate moments stolen in the middle of the nights, of looks of love and promise shared in the privacy of a small officer's quarters and all those sweet-nothings that had been whispered to each other in trust and confidence. 

_"I promise, I'll love you until the stars burn out, and even then-- I won't stop loving you."_

_" Levi? What's your favorite thing about this world?" _

_" You. You're my favorite thing about this world." _

_" Don't be sorry, Levi. We both knew it would end this way. I'm just glad it's you who'd doing it and not some stranger." _

_" Eren, I-- I don't know if I can go through with it. I can't kill you!" _

_"You have to, love. But don't worry... we'll be together in the next life. I promise, I'll look for you so-- find me, Levi. Do you promise?"_

_" I... I promise, Eren. I'll definitely find you, no matter how long it takes." _

_" I love you, Levi. No matter what happens. I'll always love you." _

_" Forgive me, Eren... I--" _

The memories came flooding back to me, all at once. Everything we did, everything we said, everything we shared. It was like getting a crash course on a whole other life I couldn't remember until right at the moment I met Levi. He was the missing puzzle piece. And as I stood there, staring at the man I used to love more than anything in this whole world 2,000 years ago, all I could do was smile as tears ran down my face because... because this was the youngest I'd ever seen him before. He was different, but the same as well. 

"Hello, Levi." I greeted quietly. 

"Eren..." he breathed out, my name rolling off his tongue like a sigh of relief. 

"What took you so long?" 

"Eren! I--" Levi took a step forward, looking as though he were getting ready to rush toward me but he stopped himself. His eyes were slightly wide as he stared at me, and filled with desperation but for what, I couldn't tell exactly. He looked so conflicted. 

"What is it?" I asked gently, speaking to him softly as though he were an small skittish animal, ready to bolt at any moment. I didn't want him to run. I wanted him to stay. "What's wrong, Levi?" 

"I--" he tried again, his eyes dropped from my gaze and landed on the cement beneath his feet. "I killed you." 

Suddenly, it all made sense. He was actually worried. Levi, formerly Humanity's Strongest Soldier with the strength of 100 men, undefeated and mightiest of all other men, now looked like the frightened young man he actually was. I didn't know how much younger Levi actually was in this lifetime, but at this point, it didn't matter. The age gap between us was much bigger in our previous lives, nearly 15 years, but we didn't let that stop us. I highly doubted Levi was actually fifteen now, but he was most definitely younger than I was. He was unsure of himself and lacking all the cool confidence he'd earned over many life or death situations in his past life. That battle hardened warrior from old days was now replaced with this hesitant, fidgeting young man who was terrified of facing the lover he killed in order to end a war and save humanity. 

"Oh, Levi." I sighed, shaking my head and smiling as I finally decided to close the gap between us. "Don't you remember what I said?" 

"Of course, I do." Levi mumbled to the ground. He refused to look up at me. "I remember everything now." 

As I finally closed the distance, I slipped my index finger under his chin and forced him to look up at me, which in any other situation might have made me laugh because of the height difference. Now it was more painfully evident than ever just how short Levi truly was, but then again, I was much much taller than I was at fifteen in my previous life. When he finally met my gaze, I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders and everything was finally falling into place. The world felt right. This-- this felt right. 

"Then I shouldn't have to repeat myself again, so don't make me." 

I gently snaked an arm around his waist and pulled his body closer to mine. I felt one of his arms wrap around my back, hesitantly at first, until he must have realized just how silly he was being about all of this. Finally, his other arm wrapped around my neck and we both met in a tight hug that was bone crushingly tight. Finally-- he was back in my arms. 

"Eren," Levi mumbled into the fabric of my coat as he buried his face into my shoulder. "I'm sorry I took so long to find you." 

I in turn nuzzled my nose into the material of his hat and inhaled his wonderful scent. The smile that broke out on my face was absolutely massive as we just held onto each other like our lives depended on it. And they probably did. Because I'd imagine that we were both feeling just as lonely as the other, and having gone through this life alone without each other all these years? There was no way we were going to let go now that we've filled the emptiness. 

"I don't care how long you took. You're here now and that's all that matters to me. You're here, with me, in my arms now." I reluctantly pulled away, but only briefly before I chastely kissed Levi on the lips. "And I'm never letting you go again."

\- -

**Author's Note:**

> Might add an epilogue to this. Might not. Dunno yet. Depends how I feel. 
> 
> Levi might be a bit OOC but that's only because I always imagine young!Levi to be much different from older adult!levi who's got all his emotions in check, and shit. Being a teenager fucking sucks, and I'm glad I'm no longer a teenager anymore. Anyways, so, yeah, that's just one of my personal theories about Levi. He's a lot more unsure of himself and maybe even slightly more emotional when he's young. We've all been there, guys.


End file.
